My mother died after a short illness just over a month ago. I had found some jorunals she had kept a few days later, but wasn't ready to read them yet. I just did. She wasn't a journal keeper, she only did it (as far as I know) twice, for a few months in 1999 and in 2004. The one from 2004, it turns out, only contains slope conditions from her skiing trips. That was really strange to me. Any time I've kept a journal, its always been to sort through feelings. The one from 1999 was only slightly better. It contained accounts of what she did each day, but not so much of how she felt. She talked about how she felt more freedom on days she didn't have to work, but really, that was it as far as feelings. I've always felt that growing up, feelings were kind of swept under the carpet in my family.
I would hope that if someone found my writings after I died, it would be deeper, more about what I felt and thought. I kept journals through my teen years and into my mid-twenties. Now in my mid-thirties, and with the death of my mother, I am thinking more about what I would like to say to a child I left behind (that doesn't exist yet) if I died suddenly, before I'd gotten to tell them everything I'd like to say. Also what I'd like to say to my child when they had children of their own if I wasn't there so see them through it.
